#902 Can an Agnostic Be a Christian?

Dear Dr. Craig, can an agnostic also be a Christian?

For context, I was born in a devout Christian family that slowly fell into disarray because of various spiritual and emotional abuses. In the fallout, all of us lost our faith. Years later, as I grew older I personally realized that an atheistic worldview could not sustain me in the most fundamental ways during times of tragedy and hardship. As Ayan Hirsi Ali has recently called it, there was "nothing." I believed in "nothing," which caused me great distress when I contemplated the meaning of my suffering and saw the existential abyss that appeared before me. My only remedy at the time was to not think about it, to distract myself. Of course, this band-aid wouldn't cure the underlying issue. I won't get into details, but thanks to many people in my life, and thanks to the work of intelligent and compassionate evangelists such as yourself, I began to see the claims of Christianity as tenable rather than ridiculous.

At this point in my intellectual and spiritual journey, I have concluded that some kind of God or Highest Being more likely exists than not; I have also concluded that the historical claims of Christianity are just as likely of being true as they are not. In other words, it's currently a fifty-fifty bet. This latter conclusion is quite distressing for me because the likelihood of Christianity being true seems to be swayed by the emotions I feel from day-to-day. Sometimes it seems very likely, and sometimes I come across a new atheist argument that throws the whole idea of Christianity into question. (Consider the videos and essays produced by Paulogia and Bart Ehrman on one hand, and on the other hand essays by Christians such as Testify and Dr. Lydia McGrew.) Sometimes I rejoice in the beauty and apparent design of creation, and sometimes I wallow in the apathy and carelessness apparent in nature and the wider universe. On some days both theism and atheism seem totally absurd. I am of two-minds on this issue. I like to think that I am a rational and intelligent person, but very often I am not.

So I have decided that, despite my doubts and questions, despite emerging arguments for or against Christianitys, I want to be a Christian. I want to have a strong and sober faith. I want to be able to cling on to the hope that Christ offers while being humble enough to say "I don't know." Yet, I say this in part because, despite all my prayers and investigations, I cannot seem to find God. Or rather, God, for one reason or another, will not reveal himself to me. To him I confess my sins as humbly as I can manage; I share with him my hopes, worries and dreams; and with him I contemplate his goodness, his righteousness, and awesome power. But he is hidden from me. I have since come to realize that, until I see him, deep down I will never know God as deeply as I desire. Any finite hope that I conjure for his existence dissipates in his incomprehensibly, infinite yawning being. When it comes to faith, I do not want to sacrifice reason for hope, nor hope for reason. Ideally, it'd be best to have both.

In answer #26 you write that, according to MLK, faith consists of three components: "First, there is notitia, or understanding. That is, one must understand the truth claim being made. Second, there is assensus, or assent. One must accept intellectually that the claim is, in fact, true. . . Finally, there is fiducia, or trust. Saving faith involves not merely intellectual assent to some doctrines but a whole-hearted commitment or trust in God . . ." So far, I believe I possess notitia.

I also yearn for a whole-hearted commitment and trust in God. But I do not possess assensus. As much as I desire to leave agnosticism I cannot help but be stuck with it, if I am honest with myself and do not sacrifice reason for hope. So, Dr. Craig, what does this mean for me? Can I cast myself to God with all of my doubts and agnosticism and find salvation as a Christian man? Or am I doomed? I do not want to lie to God and say "I believe" when I do not. But everyday I tell him, "I hope you are there. Even if I am not welcome I hope there is a heaven."

I take some hope in C.S. Lewis' words: "The doors of hell are locked from the inside!" Perhaps, if I find myself there, I will, in my stumbingly way, open the door and call out Christ's name. Michael Jones from InspiringPhilosophy has also pointed to Lewis' essay "Man or Rabbit?" At one point Lewis writes, "Honest rejection of Christ, however mistaken, will be forgiven and healed - 'Whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him.'" Yet, the words C.S. Lewis are not scripture. I've been wondering to myself, how do Christians believe without knowing verifiably that Christ exists? I know that some people have intense spiritual or emotional experiences that ground their faith in God; I know that some people are simply just persauded. But what about those people whose hearts long for God but whose minds are so stubbornly doubtful? What is the fate of the Christian who believes everyday of his life but dies on the one day he harbors serious doubt and uncertainty? In other words, how much assent or belief is required to have true, regenerate faith, even during the hard days, before one becomes agnostic? And does becoming agnostic mean that one is no longer Christian? Should I just be patient and wait for the day God reveals himself to me? Should I keep investigating until I am thoroughly persuaded? Or am I doing something wrong? To me, faith ever seems a mystery. But, as an agnostic, if I can become a Christian today then I will declare "Christ is my lord!" My mind is divided, but my imperfect heart is his to keep.

I apologize if my question is not as relevant to your work on your Systematic Theological Philosophy or as philosphically technical as you'd like, but I am compelled to think that you would answer my question best. Nevertheless, I would understand if you pass it over for a better one. Thank you for your work, and God Bless!

Christopher